Starting Over: Dating After Being a Wife

Starting over after a broken marriage is a journey that no one truly prepares you for.
The fear, the lessons, the moments of hope — they all weave together to create a new, stronger version of yourself.
In this post, I open up about my experiences with dating after being a wife, the challenges I faced, the lessons I learned, and how each encounter taught me to value myself even more.
If you've ever felt lost, afraid, or unsure about loving again — this is for you.
You are not alone.
And you are still worthy of a beautiful, honest love. 💛

Dating after being a wife is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face.

When you’ve once given your heart, your time, your trust to build a life with someone —
starting over feels like trying to learn a new language with a broken voice.
It’s scary. It’s exhausting. And honestly, some days, it feels almost impossible.

After everything I had been through, I wasn't interested in "playing the game."
I wasn't interested in casual conversations that led nowhere, or wasting my time entertaining men who didn’t know what they wanted.
I didn’t want to be someone’s "option."
I didn’t want to fill my phone with meaningless texts, fake promises, or half-hearted efforts.

My mind, my spirit — they were still wired like a wife.
Still loyal, still deeply committed to building something real.
And the idea of starting over — of putting myself back out there — felt overwhelming.
I wasn’t looking for "situationships."
I wasn’t interested in building a "roster" of men for attention.
I wasn’t trying to prove my worth to anyone.

All I wanted — and still want — is a genuine connection.
A real friendship first.
A man who sees me not just for the surface but for my soul.
Someone who values consistency, honesty, and depth over games and shallow attention.

Because this time, I'm choosing differently.
I’m choosing myself first.
I’m choosing to protect my peace, my heart, and my children.
If someone wants to walk beside me, they’ll have to be patient enough to build something real — brick by brick, day by day.

Along the way, I’ve had my share of experiences that taught me so much about myself and what I truly need:

There was the man I call "the one that got away."
He was pretty close to perfect in so many ways — a gentleman, kind, present.
I met him when I was deep in the middle of my court process, almost at the final stretch.
Emotionally, I was carrying so much weight.
Even though we hadn't kissed or gotten physical, we would go on dates, talk deeply, and he was truly there for me.
Looking back, I realize my lack of communication during that season hurt the connection —
I would shut down, go silent, disappear when the court process overwhelmed me.
And eventually, he lost interest.
Do I regret it? No.
I was fighting silent battles he couldn’t see, and in many ways, he gave me something I will always be grateful for:
He showed me that it is possible for someone to love and accept a single mother of two.
That experience gave me strength and hope.
Today, we are still friends — cordial, kind, but no longer connected romantically.
And that’s okay. Some people are sent to remind you what’s possible, not to stay.

Then there was another man — someone from church.
I approached it differently this time: slow, intentional, just building a friendship.
And as I got to know him more, I realized he is a great man — but not the man for me.
It’s hard to explain; nothing was "wrong" exactly, but my heart knew.
Today, he’s one of my best friends.
We've been honest with each other, and though he’s expressed interest, he knows and respects my decision.
Sometimes, it’s hard to accept that even good people aren't always your person — but peace always knows.

Then came another experience — one that left a bigger scar.
I started talking to a man who seemed perfect for me.
For three months, he did everything right.
We shared so much in common:
our love for the beach, music, the same sense of humor, family values, a strong work ethic.
We laughed, we dreamed, we grew close —
and still, during those three months, I kept my boundaries: no kissing, no rushing anything.
I thought we were building something rare and special.
So when I finally opened my heart and expressed that I was ready for something serious —
I thought we were on the same page.

The very next day, he sent me a message that broke me.
He said he didn’t want to hurt me, but his ex had reached out to him — and he had to "figure things out" with her.
He had told me there were no strings from his past.
But suddenly, there he was, publicly posting pictures of them together on social media —
pictures from a trip out of the country.

It hit me like a brick wall.
I realized I had been nothing more than a rebound.
I don’t have all the answers about what really happened —
but I know my worth now.

That experience changed how I approach relationships today.
Now, I move with even more caution.
Now, I guard my heart fiercely.
Now, I know that intentions have to be clear and real from the beginning.
And until that happens, I’m okay being by myself.

Starting from zero is terrifying.
But it’s also a blessing.
Because now, I know exactly what I deserve.
Now, I’m no longer afraid to say no to what doesn’t align with the life I want.
Now, I understand that not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay — and that's a blessing too.

To anyone else navigating love after heartbreak —
I see you.
Take your time.
Set your standards high.
And remember: you are never asking for too much.
You’re just asking the right person to rise to your level.

Until then, keep shining. 🌟
You are worthy of a love as real as your heart.

Heartful Advice:

If you’ve walked through heartbreak, betrayal, loneliness, and disappointment —
but you’re still standing, still believing, still hoping —
you are already stronger than you know.

You don't have to rush healing.
You don't have to rush love.
The right kind of love will never require you to lose yourself.
You are not too broken, too complicated, or too much.
You are perfectly whole, even as you heal.
And God has a way of restoring what we thought was lost forever.

Trust the process.
Protect your peace.
And remember: anything real will never cost you your dignity, your joy, or your relationship with God.

You are being prepared for something greater than you could ever imagine.
Stay patient. Stay faithful. Stay you. 💛

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
— Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
— Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Closing Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Thank You for carrying me through the seasons I thought would break me.
Thank You for the healing You are working deep within my heart, even when I can’t always see it.
Help me to trust Your timing and Your plans for my life.
Teach me to love myself the way You love me — fully, patiently, without condition.
Guard my heart, Lord, and help me to discern the people You send and the ones You never intended for my journey.
Remind me that I am never alone, even in my waiting, even in my healing.
Fill every empty space with Your peace.
Restore my hope.
Renew my joy.
And when love comes again, let it be a reflection of Your grace —
pure, patient, kind, and true.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.